Facing The Giants, The Movie

While my little man was napping Facing The Giants was on the Insp. Channel. Of course the tears were flowing! If you have seen the movie then you know the desire of wife to have a child. I can relate to this movie. Part of this movie is my life.

In 2001 Timmy and I found out that we were going to be blessed with a baby. Well for reasons unknown to us it was not to be. So for years we tried. I was tired. Hurting had become a way of life for me. Several surgeries later and no change. I would be physical sick every month. Month after month and I could not handle it anymore. So the doctor I was seeing at the time suggested that I get an IUD. Well I was for it, but the cost! I could not afford it even with my insurance. So my mom said let’s make an appointment with my doctor. What did I have to lose, so I agreed.  Mom and I headed to Brunswick. I meet Dr. Dohn and I told him my story. I was very open with him and told him I wanted it all out! I was in tears and he was so kind. He handed me a box of tissues and said I really want you think about this. Think about this I have been going through this every month since I was 16. Believe me I have done plenty of thinking. You see from a young age I was aware that there was two things that I would do without question.

1. Be A Wife

2. Be A Mom

I had been practicing for this my whole life. So Timmy and I were talking and he said if it’s not meant to be then it’s not meant to be. And I tried to explain to him how it was that I felt like there was a piece missing. Now you ask me how can you grieve for something that you never had? I’ve had it the whole, just not physical had it. So the following Sunday at church I went to the altar. And I gave it all to GOD. I placed my heartache at the feet of JESUS. I had done this several times before, but this time when I got up I left it. I did not pick up my troubled wounded heart. Mean while we were in the process of getting life insurance and got a call from the nurse who took our blood work and she said that I need to go see my doctor for further blood work because something came back, but she could not say what. This was on Wednesday. So on the way to church I thought could I? Am I? Is it possible? Then I heard FAITH. So Thursday morning I woke early, 5 a.m. early. Looked under the sink and found a pregnancy test. ONE test from years ago.

So you see I know what it feels like to miss something that you never had.

I also know the peace that comes over us when we honestly place our troubles at the feet of Jesus. You see my son is part of my testimony.